


Gwanûn

by MirandaTam



Series: Genderqueer peredhel siblings [2]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Bi-Gender, Bi-Gender Character(s), Gen, Gender Issues, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Rivendell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:56:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4829909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirandaTam/pseuds/MirandaTam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Elrohir,” Elladan says quietly once Arwen’s left. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Elrohir tenses up. “Elladan–”</p><p>“Because you keep saying you’re fine,” Elladan continues right over him, “And you keep saying you’ll be okay but honestly it really seems like something’s going on.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gwanûn

“I want to go out to the market today, though,” Elarod protests. They’re dressed masculine, the outfit better than Elrohir’s seen it before; there’s practically no hint that Elarod’s not one of the twins, if you don’t know where to look.

“What, and leave one of us stuck hiding in your room all afternoon again?” Elladan demands.

“I’ll stay,” Elrohir offers.

Both of his siblings turn to face him, nearly-identical expressions skeptical. As the years have passed, while Arwen has grown into a feminine young lady, Elarod has grown even more in tune with the twins.

Elladan is frowning a bit more than Elarod, though. “Are you sure? You’ve stayed in the past, what, five times Elarod’s wanted to go out?”

Elrohir shifts a little, feeling very unbalanced. It’s not often he and his twin are on different wavelengths. “I know. I do really want to finish my book, though; I don’t mind at all.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” Elladan says.

Elarod grins. “Thanks, big brother,” they say.

Elrohir pastes a grin on his face. “No problem,” he says. “Really.”

 

 

Elrohir waits half an hour, until there’s no chance of a forgotten shoe or some other mishap likely to draw Elladan and Elarod back to Arwen’s room. He passes the time reading; it is a book he’s been meaning to get through. For weeks. One that he conveniently happens to bring along every time Arwen starts eyeing men’s clothes longingly, right before they ask the twins to come talk to them in their room.

Once that long half-hour has passed, though, he sets down the book with a sigh of relief, and repeats the routine that he’s been repeating the past five times Elarod’s wanted to go out.

Scan the room, remembering the places of all the things in it, so that if anything’s out of place, it can be put back. Double-check that the curtains are closed, even though they would have been when Arwen was changing. Check which dresses are in the laundry pile, the ones nobody will notice have a few more wrinkles.

Check that Arwen has makeup remover. (That was a disaster, that first time. Elrohir _always_ checks for makeup remover, now.)

Elrohir lets out a shaky breath. He – no, not now.

She’s still not very good at this. It’s only been four or so times she’s actually done this, since she first got the idea – one of Elarod’s market days had been on a day when Elrohir was feeling… more settled into his skin, she supposes. He supposes? Her skin?

No. She closes her eyes, and then opens them; no pronoun confusion right now. Today is one of the days when she feels out of place, when she looks down and sees the wrong body beneath her head.

She undresses first, leaving behind all her masculine clothes before undoing her hair, letting down the long, thin braid that on one side of the head means _Elrohir_ and on the other means _Elladan_.

She pulls on – gently, gently, not ripping any seams – a dress that’s a color somewhere between blue and purple, her fingers struggling to lace up the back.

Then the facepaint, the hardest step; the lipstick never looks quite right, no matter what she does, and the eyeliner is clumsy and makes her eyes twitch away. The mascara makes her eyes stick when she blinks. But then, she looks in the mirror, and–

Well, she’s not pretty, not with the makeup applied so sloppily, but she grins anyways.

From the mirror, Roheryn grins back.

 

 

“I hope you weren’t to bored with your book,” Elladan says.

Elrohir raises an eyebrow. “Just because _you_ dislike histories–”

“Elrohir,” Arwen asks, unbraiding their hair and frowning a bit, “Did you step on my mauve dress?”

“Sorry?”

They sigh and mutter something uncomplimentary about idiots with their heads lost in books.

 

 

Elladan watches his twin the rest of the afternoon, a pensive little frown on his face.

Elrohir quirks her – his, _he_ reminds _himself_ , no matter how off-balance he felt today – quirks his eyebrow just a touch, tilting his head. _If you have something to say, say it_.

Elladan looks down, grimaces slightly, and looks back up with a worried expression in his eyes. _I don’t want to push you about it, but you’ve been acting weird_.

Elrohir grabs Elladan’s hand and squeezes it lightly, but keeps his other fist drawn in tight to his body. _Thank you – I will tell you eventually. I just need to do this myself, for now._

Elladan nods. Elrohir relaxes.

There’s a sharp rap on the door, and they turn to each other, eyes wide.

“I know you two are in there,” they can hear Erestor call. “ _And_ I know who ate those cakes that were _supposed_ to be for desert, so it’s no use going out the window or whatever ridiculous thing you’ll try next. Honestly, you’re over two centuries now, you should know better!”

“Out the window, he suggested?” Elladan asks.

“Seems like a fine idea,” Elrohir agrees, and they turn and run.

 

 

The next time they see Arwen, their sibling is smirking at them.

“You stole those cakes,” Elrohir grumbles.

“Of course I did,” Arwen says calmly. “And you know why I did it, too.”

Elladan and Elrohir glance at each other.

“No, we don’t?” Elladan says hesitantly. “If this is about the thing last month with the harp and the cinnamon–”

Elrohir whacks him lightly. “Don’t bring that up or they’ll remember and get mad again,” he hisses.

Arwen looks at them and sighs. “This is about _buying things for me_ , which I _specifically_ told you not to do!”

The twins exchange another confused glance.

“We didn’t, though,” Elladan says.

Arwen raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t.”

“… No?” Elrohir says. “We didn’t?”

They frown a bit. “Then how do you explain the chest-binder that I found in my wardrobe a few days ago?”

“The new _what_?” Elladan asks.

“It just showed up?” Elrohir says.

Arwen stares at the both of them. “You honestly have no idea about this, do you,” they say, sounding surprised.

Elrohir shakes his head. “While mysteriously appearing items of random clothing are one of our more common pranks…”

“… We honestly have no idea what a chest-binder is, let alone how this one appeared in your closet,” Elladan finishes.

Elrohir gives his brother an unimpressed look. “It’s for binding chests flat. It’s _literally_ in the name.”

Elladan opens his mouth and then closes it again. “That is a very good point,” he says, “But also leads us to a bit of a different problem.”

“Who left it,” Arwen says flatly, “And how do they know?”

The three siblings stare at each other for a long moment before completely panicking.

 

 

“Okay, so,” Elrohir says once they’ve calmed down a bit. “Who knows _everything_?”

“Well,” Elladan says, “Hopefully nobody knows _everything_ , except the Valar, and even they don’t – sorry. Unhelpful. Shutting up now.”

“Better question,” Elarod suggests. “Who has the best gossip?”

The siblings think for a long moment.

“Lindir,” all three say in unison.

“On account of him not keeping his mouth shut ever,” Elladan says.

“And being a bard, and therefore prying into _everyone_ ’s business,” Elrohir continues.

“And blending into the background and eavesdropping on everything,” Elarod concludes. “Even though he never shuts up, he always blends in. Ada does it too sometimes.”

Elrohir pauses, a pit growing in the middle of his stomach. “Do you think Ada knows?”

Arwen hesitates. “I hope not.”

Elrohir concurs. Sh – _He_ feels a little sick, actually. This is her – this is his –

 _First person pronouns. This is_ my _secret, for now, and I’ll tell them when I’m ready and not before then, and I really fucking hope nobody makes me change that. Even – especially – Ada._

Elrohir really, _really_ concurs.

 

 

“So,” Elladan and Elrohir say in unison, coming up behind Lindir.

Lindir squeaks, jumps, and turns around, all in the same motion, and then he falls over.

The twins stare down at him. He stares up at them.

“Well,” Lindir says, and clears his throat. “That was very embarrassing.”

“That was _hilarious_ ,” Elrohir says. “We should do that more often.”

Lindir sighs. “What do you two want?”

“Us?” Elladan says, eyes wide. “Who says we want something?”

“Maybe,” Elrohir continues, “We just wanted to spend some time with one of our wonderful–”

“–delightful–”

“–amusing–”

“Hah, nice one, Elrohir. Friendly–”

“–Friends. Don’t say friendly right before I say _friends_ , Elladan, it’s too repetitive.”

“Well, I’m _very_ sorry, I was running out of adjectives!”

Lindir sighs again. “What do you _want_?”

“Well,” Elladan says.

“We were wondering if _someone_ …” Elrohir glances at Lindir very pointedly.

“Knew any certain rumors about our sister,” Elladan finishes.

Lindir stares at the twins for a long moment. “I honestly have no clue what you two are talking about,” he says.

The twins visibly deflate a bit. “Damn,” Elrohir says.

“Unless it’s that thing that Erestor was grumbling about earlier,” Lindir continues. “Something about bandages and ribcages, I don’t even know.”

Elladan and Elrohir freeze in place.

“Oh,” Elladan says.

“Shit,” Elrohir says.

At the same time, they turn and sprint away towards where Arwen is hiding in a bush, grab their sibling, and drag them away to somewhere more hidden.

“You’re welcome,” Lindir tells the empty garden. “Does this mean you’ll stop sneaking up behind me?”

The flowers didn’t reply.

He sighs.

 

 

“ _Erestor_ ,” Arwen says. “Do you think he told Ada? How does he _know_?”

“We’re dead,” Elrohir says faintly. “Oh, Valar, we’re dead.”

Elladan and Arwen both give Elrohir a look.

“Shut up I know it’s not that bad but I’m still panicking okay,” Elrohir says very quickly.

Elladan glances over at him sharply and tilts his head. _Does this have to do with that thing?_ He asks in the half-body language, half-mindspeech he’s always been able to do with his twin.

Elrohir glances down and away and draws his shoulders into himself a bit. _Yes and I’m still not ready_. Today is a good day, he thinks to himself. Today he doesn’t feel confined by… by _him_. But that doesn’t mean he(?)’s ready.

Arwen puts their hand on Elrohir’s shoulder. _I don’t know what’s going on but it’s going to be okay_.

(Or at least, that’s how Elrohir interprets it. Arwen/Elarod is still pretty new at this.)

“So what do we do?” Elrohir says out loud, diverting the course of their conversation.

“ _Can_ we do anything other than just… confronting him?” Elladan asks.

“Confronting him sounds good to me,” Arwen says.

“Well,” Elrohir says. “How confrontational are we talking, here?”

 

 

“Elrohir,” Elladan says quietly once Arwen’s left. “Are you okay?”

Elrohir tenses up. “Elladan–”

“Because you keep saying you’re fine,” Elladan continues right over him, “And you keep saying you’ll be okay but honestly it really seems like something’s going on.”

“I just don’t–” Elrohir squeezes his eyes shut. _Know who I am. Know why I can’t be just one or the other. Know why I can’t even be as balanced as Elarod._

_How am I supposed to tell you what’s wrong if I barely know, myself?_

“I’m sorry,” Elladan says quietly, sounding a little panicked. “Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed–”

“Just,” Elrohir interrupts his twin. “Just give me time. I _will_ tell you.” _When I have the right words_.

Elladan nods. “I just worry about you, you know?”

Elrohir gives him a weak smile. “I know.” He lifts up his hand. “Twins?”

Elladan clasps it and squeezes it tight. “Twins.”

 

 

“So,” Arwen says, sidling up to Erestor the next morning. “Erestor.”

“Can we do this later?” Erestor says. “I’ve got a very important discussion with your mother scheduled in five minutes. Calm down,” he says when Arwen tenses up. “It’s about the dinner menu, not your secrets. If you really want to talk, I’ll meet you and the twins in the corner of the smaller library this evening, forty-five minutes before dinner?”

Arwen manages to nod.

“Good.” Erestor nods sharply, his schedule having been decided upon, and then walks off.

“That was _terrifying_ ,” Elladan says, stepping out from behind a statue.

“Well,” Elrohir says, coming out from behind a column. “That went pretty much how I expected it would.”

“ _You didn’t tell me it would go like that,_ ” Elarod says.

“Me either,” Elladan grumbles.

“That’s because neither of you would have listened,” Elrohir says patiently. “Now come on; if we’re meeting him before dinner I need to finish up my book.”

“You’ve been reading that book for weeks now,” Elladan protests.

“And I finally finished it,” Elrohir says, silently pleased that Elladan noticed it was the same book. “So I’m going to return it, and you’re going to tag along and be annoying, and then oh my I wonder why Erestor is also in the library at this specific time? It must be a coincidence.”

“Oh,” Elladan says.

Elarod sighs. “Next time, Elrohir? _You_ can plan the confrontation.” They turn to Elladan. “See? _He_ knows how to think things out in advance. Unlike certain _other_ people I could name…”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” Elrohir says, trying to ignore how suddenly off-balance she is. _He_ is.

This is getting ridiculous. Something has to change.

Back to the present.

“Elladan can definitely plan his way most of the way out of a paper bag. Maybe even to the kitchens, too!”

“Dammit, Elrohir!”

Elrohir grins. At least teasing Elladan and Elarod is a constant in life.

 

 

“So,” Elladan says, tipping his chair back to stand on two legs.

“So,” Elrohir says, flipping a book open and closed and open again.

“So,” Elarod says, tapping their fingers on the table before grabbing one hand with their other hand in a vain effort to stop.

“Hm?” Erestor looks up. “Oh, sorry, I was just busy coordinating the lives of literally every single elf living in Imladris, but I have a nice free half hour now that I’ve graciously set aside for you. Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

Arwen sighs.

Elrohir and Elladan exchange a glance. The expression on their younger sibling’s face says either _“oh well, here goes”_ or “ _screw it”_.

“You put the binder in my wardrobe,” Elarod says.

“Of course,” Erestor replies. “Using bandages can be very damaging to your ribcage, especially in the long run, something which I thought you were aware of from your healing lessons.”

“ _How did you find out_ ,” Elrohir finally says.

Erestor frowns. “I just… watched. You’ve gotten much more subtle over time, but at the beginning you, Arwen, weren’t quite as in sync with the twins as you are now.” He paused. “Do you have another name you want to be called?”

“Arwen is fine for now,” they say. “Though… if it’s not public, Elarod works just as well.”

“Elarod,” Erestor says, and inclines his head. “If that’s all…?”

“Does Ada know?” Elladan asks quietly.

“He has said nothing to me about it,” Erestor says. “Nor has your mother. However, as far as I’ve noticed, you’ve done a reasonably good job of avoiding him, Elarod, and most of the other inhabitants of Imladris are as observant as… well. I don’t think he knows, no.” Erestor raises one eyebrow. “He would not censure you, however, if he did know. I understand that you do not wish to go public, as it were – our society does tend to frown upon those who do not follow typical gender roles. Those who have multiple genders, or no gender, or change genders over time…” Erestor shakes his head. “But the ways of the Eldar have been…” He pauses. “Shifting, I suppose, since the century or so before you were born.”

“The Last Alliance,” Elrohir says. “The fall of the High Kings.”

Erestor nods. “Much has been changing. Biases against those who walk a different path have been growing lesser. And despite the biases that still remain, allow me to assure you that you have nothing to fear from telling your father.”

“I know,” Elarod says quietly. “I’m just… not ready yet.”

“And I thought to acknowledge that by being sublte and having you blame the binder’s mysterious appearance on the twins, which clearly failed,” Erestor says. “That was ill-done of me; I should have just approached you. My apologies.”

“You meant well,” Arwen says. “Apologies accepted.”

Erestor nods in acknowledgement. “Now, I really do have quite a busy schedule. I’ll see you at dinner; Celebrían and I decided that it would be interesting to switch up the menu a bit, so we’ll be trying some foreign cuisine from Eryn Galen tonight; your mother has requested that your father not be warned in advance, but I thought you deserved some prior notice.”

“Oh,” Elrohir says.

“Um,” Elladan says.

“Thank you,” Elarod says fervently. “He’ll hear nothing from us.”

 

 

“This is _amazing_ ,” Arwen says the next week. “I should have absolutely gotten one of these before.”

Elarod is practically indistinguishable from Elrohir or Elladan normally, and the binder lets them actually breathe.

Elladan and Elrohir grin at their sibling.

“You should go out to the gardens,” Elrohir suggests. “Try sneaking up behind Lindir, it’s hilarious.”

Elladan raises an eyebrow. “You’d be willing to stay in again?”

 _Allow me to assure you that you have nothing to fear from your father,_ Erestor had said.

Elrohir shrugs, a little uncomfortably. “Yeah. I… maybe, when you get back… we shoud talk. But not right now.”

Elladan nods slowly. “Okay.”

Elarod grins. “So, sneaking up behind Lindir?”

“Don’t do anything I’ll get in trouble for,” Elrohir warns them.

“Don’t worry, we will!” Elarod calls back as they and Elladan exit the room.

The door clicks shut, and everything is quiet.

Elrohir takes a deep breath in.

_Those who have multiple genders, or no gender…_

_Or change genders over time…_

Roheryn exhales, and grins.

**Author's Note:**

> "Gwanûn" is Sindarin for "a pair of twins."
> 
> "Elarod" is from the word "El/Elen" (star) which acts as a prefix in... like ten names in Elrond's general family line (Elrond, Elros, Elwing, Elured, Elurin, Elladan, Elrohir) (okay maybe just seven). It also has the word "arod" (noble) sort of like "Arwen" (noble maiden).
> 
> "Roheryn" is from "roh" (horse) like in Elrohir, and "heryn" (lady) (in contrast to "hir" (lord)). (It is also the name of the horse that Arwen gives Aragorn in Fellowship of the Ring. I've chosen to ignore that, or maybe frame it as a prank on Elarod's part.)


End file.
